


I'm Broken (But So Are You)

by ryekamasaki



Series: Broken [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 02:31:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5073919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryekamasaki/pseuds/ryekamasaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the prompt from notsuchasecret: Break me, DaiSuga.</p>
<p>{Leave a “Break Me” in my ask, and I will write an angsty drabble.}</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Broken (But So Are You)

**Author's Note:**

> First of all: how dare you make me do this? :D
> 
> Secondly: You asked for it. I’d say I’m sorry, but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ (also this accidentally got kind of long, oops.)

His mind cannot physically process what he’s seeing. This room is too bright, all blinding whites and fluorescent lights, and even having the sun shining in through the windows isn’t enough to dull the unnatural, artificial lighting. It smells too much like somewhere he never wants to be, all antiseptic and medicine, and the sounds coming from the machines around the bed all make him flinch and twitch.

The sheets look even more pristine and white compared to the tan skin of the person lying within them, and Koushi can’t even appreciate the difference in tones like he normally would, because this is a place that he never wanted to see Daichi in. Daichi doesn’t deserve to be here, laid up silently in the hospital, wrist in a cast and I.V. in his arm, silent and still aside from the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he breaths.

Aside from his chest, Daichi hasn’t moved in days. Koushi jolts a little in his chair when a nurse enters the room to check Daichi’s vitals, and she smiles sympathetically at him, but doesn’t bother to try to talk to him. He hasn’t said much of anything since Daichi was admitted, not after his initial reaction of calling his name and trying to gently shake Daichi awake to no avail. 

This is all Koushi’s fault. If he hadn’t been distracting Daichi with jokes during lunch, maybe he wouldn’t have slipped on the top of the stairs. Koushi was too busy smiling at Daichi’s laughing face to notice the stray paper sitting on the edge of the step, and by the time they noticed Daichi was already falling. Koushi couldn’t even keep hold of Daichi’s hand, and their fingers slid together as Daichi’s hand pulled out of his.

The stairs weren’t very tall, but Daichi still hit the floor with a sickening thud, and Koushi’s heart leapt in his chest. He tried to get down the stairs as quickly as he could without actually tumbling down himself, and when he got to the bottom all he could process was that Daichi’s eyes were closed and his wrist was bleeding and bent strangely. He heard a noise to the side and realized he wasn’t alone in the hallway, which was a good thing, because he had no mind to try and get help on his own.

After what seemed like ages Daichi was surrounded by the nurse and others trying to help, and Koushi was pulled away. He tried to fight his way back to Daichi’s side, but the person holding him wrapped their arms around him, and he stopped struggling before he even really realized that he knew who it was. The slight woodsy smell around him meant it was Asahi, and Koushi turned and buried his face in his chest and cried.

Asahi had kept Koushi company for a while on the first day, even after Koushi had stopped crying and just sat on the chair beside Daichi’s bed in silence. Eventually Asahi left, and Koushi was alone there with Daichi, tired and silent and worried. The doctor had told him that Daichi’s wrist was broken, which just added another item to the list of things that Koushi was responsible for. Now Daichi wouldn’t even be able to play volleyball, and their last games were coming up with a dreaded quickness.

They couldn’t tell him why exactly Daichi hadn’t woken up yet. They said he hit his head, but it might not be a big deal. The nurse tried to tell him that sometimes after people get hurt, especially with broken bones, the body basically shuts itself down for a few days to dedicate itself to healing. Koushi doesn’t really feel very reassured, but he smiled at her attempt and then went back to watching Daichi’s chest rise and fall.

This is the third or fourth day of Daichi being asleep, Koushi’s not quite sure how long it’s been. He feels like it has been forever already, and he just wants Daichi to wake up and laugh at him for worrying too much and tell him how much he loves him again. Wants to hear his voice speaking Koushi’s given name again like he’s been doing in the few weeks they’ve been officially together. 

After the nurse comes and goes again for another check, Koushi reaches out and lays his hand on Daichi’s. He feels like he wants to cry, but there’s been no tears since the first day. Koushi lays his forehead on the bed, keeps his hand over Daichi’s and hopes and wishes that Daichi would just wake up.

The hand under his twitches, and Koushi thinks he’s imagined it until he lifts his head and sees Daichi’s eyes blinking open. He turns his head so, so slowly towards Koushi, and Koushi can feel his face light up. When Daichi finally opens his mouth, though, Koushi’s heart plummets right back down to his stomach in a feeling that tells him something is terribly wrong.

“Suga?”

Koushi sets a wobbly smile on his face, and pats Daichi’s hand gently before he stands to find the doctor. Koushi’s ushered out of the room for a bit while they talk to Daichi, and when the doctor finally comes back out and stops in front of him, his face looks grim as he starts to talk. The doctor tells him that Daichi should be fine, all things considered, but that the impact to Daichi’s head has given him a short term memory loss.

He continues and tells Koushi that it likely won’t be permanent, but that right now Daichi can’t really remember anything sooner than from a month ago, and to not push him to try and remember anything, since it might do more harm than good in the long run. Koushi nods his head dumbly at the doctor’s advice and finally steps back into Daichi’s room to see him looking a little confused but mostly just fine.

Daichi’s face lights with a smile as Koushi settles back in the chair by his side, but it’s not the same smile he had been getting from Daichi the last few weeks, the secret soft smile that only arrived after they had decided to become a couple. This is just the best friend smile, which while as gorgeous and as loved as all of Daichi’s smile, just makes Koushi’s stomach twist in knots. His brain pops up a question he heard somewhere, maybe in a book or on tv, asking which would be worse: never being able to touch the person you love again because they’re gone forever or never being able to touch them because they’re not yours anymore.

The logical part of Koushi’s brain had at that time proclaimed that losing someone forever is the worst, because then you never get to see their face again, or hear their voice, or know that they are somewhere in the world, living even if it’s not with you. At this moment he realizes that he was so, so wrong. There is nothing more painful to Koushi than the thought that Daichi doesn’t remember what they had, that Daichi isn’t his anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come yell at me on [tumblr](http://heyyyfuturefish.tumblr.com/).


End file.
